Michael Bohn & Tyler Carter
What if I just jumped? What if?
Are you ever on top of a building and you suddenly get the urge to jump to your fate? You know you won’t do it, but your mind thinks it anyways? Or when you’re in front of a subway train and you think “what if I jumped in front of it while it was going by?”
Why does your mind think like this? Such dark irrational things come out of nowhere. From your conscience. It’s got me thinking, how dark is the real you? If that’s what I think when standing atop something tall, what else is my conscience thinking about without me knowing? Does your mind sway your everyday actions and you have no idea why you do things?
It worries me to think about standing atop of that building. I know my brain thinks about jumping, I’ve felt that way before. But what if my mind took control and I made one irrational decision and kill myself by jumping? What if that thought came on a little too strong and instead of ignoring it like most do when in that situation, I actually do it?
I know my mind has pushed me into irrational decisions before, but never as far to actually killing myself. It scares me. So much. Too think there’s so much power in one little pink squishy thing to push me into doing something without thinking it through.
If I had to name one fear, it would be myself. I scare myself. My mind scares me. Sometimes I feel like my brain isn’t even mine and it’s being controlled by some outside source. (Right now my mind is blanking out on me and won’t even let me think of how to carry on writing about this issue, crazy huh?) I could fear anything in the world, war, spiders, heights, drowning, but no, my biggest fear is myself. I’ve made some stupid decisions before and stopped myself from making even dumber ones. What if I can’t stop myself next time?
What if I jumped?